Knowledge is Power

Join us, the Butler County Rape Crisis Program, in giving voice to our concerns, opinions, experiences, and resources when it comes to stopping rape and sexual assault in our communities. We'd love to hear from you!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Easy as one, two, three?

I hate math. No offense to any numerical-loving people out there- I am, in fact, very thankful of your existence because that means someone else has the desire to do what I cannot. I know enough to get by; I can read a graph, follow a recipe, and add up my work hours, but I make it a point only to involve math when absolutely necessary. How does this even remotely relate to this blog, you ask? Well, allow me to further explain my unfortunate relationship with numbers.

I see a lot of statistics. About rape, child abuse, dating violence, incest, recidivism...and so on and so forth. And while I think statistics are very helpful in identifying the scope of an issue being studied, I also think they sometimes allow us to separate ourselves from the reality. This sounds counter-intuitive, right? Like, if someone is encountering the vastness of a problem, wouldn't they be more likely to see its relevance and reality? But, I would argue that whatever the issue, when it is reduced to numbers, the PEOPLE involved cease to be actual faces or personal stories and become a singular, over-whelming statistic that is hard to understand.

When I stand in front of a classroom and tell the students it is estimated that one in four women and one in ten men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, they generally respond with blank stares. However, when I tell them a specific story about an individual that was raped or sexually assaulted, they visibly respond with shocked expressions or audible gasps. It becomes personal. And unfortunately, it becomes even more personal when it is someone you know, someone you love, or you yourself. There is no substitute for personal experience and no number can capture that kind of pain. While I would rather no one ever witness the reality of rape, I do wish people would allow themselves to see the humanity behind the numbers and be affected. What if it was one of the four women in your family, one of the ten boys in your classroom, or one of the four women you work with? Would you be more likely to take action? More likely to notice the societal norms that contribute to oppression? More likely to talk about such an “unpleasant” issue? Math is great for perspective and shedding light on real life issues, but without recognizing the personal impact on real individuals, it is just a number and lacks the necessary motivation to get people involved.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Household Harmony?

Last week at the Juvenile Detention Center, I was talking to the kids about healthy and unhealthy relationships. Their responses to the topics we discuss are sometimes appalling, sometimes insightful, but always interesting. This past week, one of the boys made a comment to which I wasn't quite sure how to respond. In the previous class we had watched a video about dating violence and one of the men portrayed in the video talked about his patriarchal upbringing and his responsibility to "discipline" his wife and family. While all of the boys agreed that this statement was ridiculous and they would never hit a woman (thankfully!) one of the boys said he understood where the man in the video was coming from. He did not agree with taking it to a physical level, but he too was raised in a family that believed men to be the head of the household and the ultimate authority. I tried to get the class to brainstorm how a family could operate under that belief but still allow the wife to be an equal and respected partner in the relationship. Due to the general argumentativeness of the group, we did not reach any concrete solutions.

Because of the lingering societal notions of the male bread-winner, female home-maker, and historical Judeo-Christian family archetype, this young man's way of thinking is not uncommon. And while I am certainly not arguing for or against one belief or the other, this conversation at the JDC left me wondering whether or not the two very different views of feminism and patriarchy can harmoniously exist. Can a man be "head of the house" and still include his wife as an equal? Can a family be considered a patriarchy and allow feminist convictions as well? Is there a way to preserve tradition while still advocating for reform? I would like to say “yes” to appease my own beliefs and desires, but it is ultimately a question that needs to be decided on an individual level. However, I think we can all agree that when taken to extremes, patriarchy can absolutely contribute to harmful notions and violence against women. There is no belief, tradition, or excuse for verbally, emotionally, sexually, or physically abusing another person. Period.